Nigel Thomson, Author at Big Rock Communications Ltd

The Case for Replacing Exercise with Play

The Great White Whale when it comes to forming new habits, for most people, is exercise.

Along with eating your vegetables, meditation, getting good sleep and quitting smoking, exercise is probably the most important habit change anyone can make.

And yet, most people struggle with creating a lasting exercise habit.

The solution is to replace the “exercise” habit with play.

Remember what it was like to go outside as a child? I do, because I watch my kids every day. They run around, pretending they’re warriors and wizards, ride their bikes like they’re flying, swing like they’re about to take off for the stars.

Kids don’t care about what they “should” do … all they want to do is have fun. And so they play.

Why Exercise Sucks

I actually love exercise. I love doing a weight workout, going for a run, doing a bunch of pushups. For me, it’s play.

But for most people, it’s grueling and tiring and uncomfortable and boring. When this is how you see the new habit, you’re very unlikely to stick to it for long. It’s possible, but only if you have an incredible amount of commitment, motivation, determination, accountability. And even then, it’s still likely to fail after awhile.

We procrastinate when it comes to exercise, even when we know it’s good for us. Even when we know that we’ll feel better afterward. It sucks because it’s just another difficult chore that we’re adding to our already full days. And even when we have nothing to do, the lure of digital fun is much stronger than the call of the elliptical machine.

How to Form the Play Habit Instead

If we don’t enjoy a habit, we’re not likely to stick to it for long. We rationalize reasons to put it off. This is objective fact: every single one of us has done this, probably many times.

So what’s the solution? Do we just wave our hands in the air and get chronic diseases instead of exercising?

No: we get moving, but we make it fun. We turn activity into play.

Think about the exercise you’ve been putting off, and whether it sounds like fun. Now think about running around wildly, dancing to loud music, racing your kids or best friend, taking a bike out to explore your city or bike trails, doing a pushup competition with friends, taking kickboxing classes with a group of family members, going for a hike with your honey, playing soccer or basketball with friends.

For some of you, some (or all) of these will sound like fun! Perhaps not all of them are appealing, because we each have our different idea of what fun is. I like the idea of strapping a bunch of bricks to my back and doing pushups and bearcrawls and long-distance running/hiking, but I might have a perverse idea of what fun is. Your idea of fun might be very different.

Whatever sounds like fun, do that! And do it not because you “should” but because you want to enjoy moving. Don’t try to hit a certain number of minutes, or any goal — just play! Lose yourself in it. Make it the most fun you have all day. You deserve that kind of play break.

Give yourself little play breaks at different times of the day. Set alarms to go take a 10-minute play break. Make it the reward at the end of your workday. Let play set the tone for your morning, kicking off a day of creativity by releasing your inhibitions.

Go wild.

Be spontaneous.

Let yourself free.

And do it with a crazy smile on your face.

Feeling Determined to Change

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Let’s say you’ve been wanting to quit smoking for awhile, or you’ve really been wanting to start exercising.

All of a sudden, you read something that motivates you … you’re ready to make the change!

You’re determined.

You’re going to make this happen.

That’s amazing.

The question is: are you going to convert this determination into actual lasting change? How will you do that?

The feeling of determination is wonderful, but it can be ephemeral. It doesn’t necessarily last for more than a few days, unless you create an environment in which it will stick around.

But it can be done.

Here’s what I suggest, based on my successes and failures:

Make a commitment: It’s easy to say to yourself, “I’m going to make this change” but then let yourself off the hook when things get tough or you get busy or stressed. Don’t let yourself back out — take action now to make a big commitment to others.
Set up a daily session: If you have enthusiasm right now, that’s great, but what happens to your change when your enthusiasm wanes? The change withers away. The only way you can make something stick is to create a habit through daily practice. So if you want to exercise, set up 10 minutes every day, at the same time of day, when you’re going to do your yoga or pushups or jogging/walking. Put it on the calendar, and make it an unmissable appointment. Quitting a habit is tougher, but perhaps try a “smoking-free zone” when you don’t smoke. (Or a “procrastination-free zone”.) Just an hour a day, then two hours after a few days, then three after a few more, etc. Eventually you’ll learn coping tactics and awareness during your zone that will help you quit completely.
Create unforgettable reminders: What happens if your session is supposed to happen but you forget? That’s incredibly common when you first start a new habit. Don’t let yourself forget! Put sticky notes all over, put up a big sign, have a zillion reminders on your computer and phone. How would you make yourself remember if it were your wedding day and you needed to get to church? Oh, that’s right — you wouldn’t need reminders, because it’s one of the biggest days of your life. Make this new habit (or effort to quit a habit) the most important thing in your life for awhile.
Be accountable: If you have to tell people every day, or every other day, how you did … that will create an awareness when you feel like giving up. You’ll stop yourself from giving up, for at least a moment, and reconsider. So in Step 1 above (“Make a commitment”), be sure to commit to regular accountability.
Give yourself an event: This is one of my favourite tricks … I have an event in the near future that I sign up for, and that forces me to prepare. If I sign up for a 5K race, for example, I have to do some training before the race so I don’t embarrass myself (too much). You can do the same thing … sign up for a sporting event if you want to exercise, or announce a date a month from now where you’ll be completely smoke-free, or join a quilting bee if you want to learn to quilt (you get the idea).
Enjoy each step: All of this might seem like a bit of work, but honestly, they can all be a lot of fun! See each step as a celebration of yourself, of life, of compassion for yourself and others. See each step as an amazing moment to be enjoyed, not a sacrifice for some future gain. The victory is right now, in the doing, not in a later reward. Smile.

If you put these ideas into action (and you’re determined, so you will!), you’ll turn your ephemeral feeling into lasting change.

This article was supplied by Newsletter Ready.

Tips for Traveling with Kids

A number of people asked me to share how we went about planning this and if I have any tips for travelling with kids … so here you go! This is a post with some of the things I’ve been doing to plan and keep the trip a fun and peaceful one with our large family.

Planning Tips

Well, we’ve been planning and saving for this trip for awhile now … I have a regular savings fund just for travel, and we don’t buy a lot of things so the savings is automatic and healthy right now. We also used lots of rewards miles that I’ve been accumulating to help lower costs.

Democratic planning: One of the best things we did was plan the trip as a family. We did this by voting on our destination cities using an online poll. We then took the winners and did a second poll, where everyone voted on how many days to devote to each city, and averaged out the results. Thus our itinerary was created.

Have them take responsibilities: We had the four older kids each take one of the cities and find an AirBnb apartment for that city. That means we had to decide what neighborhood to live in (I use a combo criteria that uses the density of things to see, vegan restaurant options, and good coffee shops) and then they had to do a search for good apartments that had criteria like a washer, decent photos and reviews, enough space and bathrooms for our large family, etc.

Pack light: By now, the kids have all adopted the “pack light” philosophy, and we travel with one light backpack each and no roller bags or other luggage (the younger ones carry their own small backpack). This allows us to easily navigate cities, airports, trains and buses with our packs, and we don’t get tired from lugging things around. The packing approach: take as little as possible, and wash clothes at each destination so we don’t need a lot of extra clothes.

Give Them Responsibility

We try to teach them self-sufficiency by asking them to help out with travel responsibilities as we travel. Of course, this has to be appropriate to their abilities and ages, but two of our “kids” are actually adults now, and two are nearly adults, so they can definitely share most responsibilities. Even the younger two have things to do.

Take turns being leaders: On past trips I usually play the role of being leader, but this trip I asked them to each take a day where they are responsible for planning, navigating, finding restaurants, and more. This should give them a lot of travel skills they haven’t developed much before. But we’re just starting this experiment so we’ll see how it goes.

Let them take care of their own stuff: I think as parents, we have a tendency to check on what the kids have packed, make sure everyone has their stuff, wash their clothes for them … but the philosophy I like best is to let them figure it out. It’s their stuff, and if they forget things, or lose them, they’ll figure things out.

Happy Traveling

All of the logistics are great, but what about happiness while your walking for hours around a city, and kids are tired and hungry? I don’t claim to have all the answers in this area, but here are some things I’ve been trying to do:

Give them a spirit of adventure: Things will go wrong, we’ll get lost, miss trains, and so forth … and that can be frustrating for our family, or it can be a part of the adventure! So I try to talk to them about how we’re going on an adventure, and things going wrong and getting lost is all a part of that. Putting them in the right frame of mind can be helpful.

Be flexible: It’s easy to get stuck into a rigid schedule and try to hit everything on your plan, but we all know that plans always go wrong. So I’ve found it helpful to take a more flexible approach, and not plan everything rigidly. We often have an idea of what we want to do each day (decided the day before, perhaps), but it’s best if we go with the flow of things and decide each activity as we go. This way we’re not stressed out when things don’t go according to plan.

Don’t rush: I tend to rush, if I’m being honest. I don’t know why, it just seems in my nature to want to walk fast, and expect everyone to keep up. I’ve been trying to remind myself not to be in a rush, though I often forget. There’s no need to get everything done in a day, and while I don’t like to miss a flight, we try to leave a little early so we don’t have to rush everyone (even if I prefer to wait until the last minute when I’m alone), and I’ve also found that it’s not the end of the world if we miss a train or flight. Anyway, main lesson for me: take your time, don’t rush people, and everyone is happier.

Realise they get frustrated too: It’s easy for parents to get frustrated when kids don’t behave perfectly, but honestly, why would we ever expect them to behave ideally? The truth is, they get frustrated and tired and grumpy just like we do. So when they behave imperfectly (daily, just like me), I try to remind myself to breathe, and to feel their frustration. To see that they are tired. To realize they’re struggling with things. And to feel compassion for their struggles.

Drop expectations: My mission this trip is to remind myself to drop my expectations of the kids, and of the trip in general … and just be there with them. Just experience the joy of travel with them.

Remind ourselves to be grateful: I have been constantly asking them (and myself), “How lucky are we to be here right now?” In the middle of a trip, it can be easy to forget how great our lives are, how amazing it is to be where we are … and sometimes we just have to stop and take notice, and appreciate the moment around us.

How Taking Care of My Finances Changed My Life

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Looking back on my life a decade ago, I just wasn’t taking care of myself.

I was overweight, deeply in debt, a smoker, junk-food addict, stressed out, clutter piling up all around me, I didn’t floss … my life was a mess.

And the solutions were so simple: little acts of self-care that really add up over time.
But I put these things off, avoided even thinking about them, and my problems piled up.

One of the most stressful problem areas was my financial life. I had unpaid bills that I stuffed in a drawer because I didn’t want to face them. I had creditors calling, collection agencies whose calls I avoided. I borrowed money from family, even from my kids’ piggy banks, just to put food on the table until my next paycheck. I’m not proud of any of this.

I was constantly stressed out, and even though I avoided thinking about the whole mess, it was always on the back of my mind. Some of you know the feeling of desperation that you’re not going to make it, that you won’t survive until your next paycheck. That’s what I was going through. And then there’s the feeling of helplessness when you don’t think you can get out off the hole you’ve dug yourself into.

So what happened to turn things around?

I took some small steps of financial self-care:

I made a simple list of all my bills and the amounts I owe.
I prioritised them in terms of urgency, and made a plan to pay them off. If they were equally urgent, I paid off the smaller ones first just to shrink my list of bills.
I started canceling subscriptions and other payments I didn’t really need. I eliminated all but the essential.
I started saving, even if it was just $20 a paycheck at first.
I started regularly reviewing and taking care of my finances (weekly).
Eventually I increased my savings and started investing as my debts became paid off.
I took on extra jobs to pay off debts faster.
I learned how to automate my finances so I didn’t have to think about them as much.

It was a slow process, but these small steps of self-care changed my life. Soon my debts became manageable and then became zero! My savings slowly grew, and then I transitioned to investing in low-fee index funds. My bills came under control, and I developed a fundamental financial safety that has been a keystone to my peace of mind in the last 10 years.

It didn’t happen overnight, but it did change. And I’ve been so much happier ever since.

What can you do if you’re in a similar situation? Start to see these simple financial steps as a part of taking care of yourself. Just as you should take care of your hygiene, you should take care of your bills and savings. That doesn’t mean you need to think about it every minute of the day, or even every day … just regularly.

Once you start this simple form of self-care, you’ll be amazed at the changes you’ll see.

A Brief Guide to Quitting a Bad Habit

There aren’t many of us who don’t have some bad habit we’d like to quit: smoking, sweets, shopping, nail-biting, excessive checking of phones or social media, other distractions …

The problem is that we think we don’t have the willpower, faced with past evidence of failure after failure when we’ve tried to quit before.

We don’t think we can quit, so we don’t even try. Or if we do try, we give ourselves an “out,” and don’t fully commit ourselves.

Let me tell you this: quitting a bad habit takes everything you’ve got.

It’s hard, but doable — if you put your entire being into it. If you’re not good at changing habits, I actually suggest you start here, and just focus on creating a new, good habit.

But if you’re ready to finally quit something, here’s a short guide to doing just that.

10-Steps — Just as Good as the 12-Step Folk

You don’t actually need to follow every single one of these steps to quit a habit, but the more of them you do, the higher your chances. I recommend all of them if you want to be all in.

Have a big motivation. Lots of times people quit things because it sounds nice: “It would be nice to quit caffeine.” But that’s a weak motivation. What you really want is strong motivation: I quit smoking because I knew it was killing me, and I knew my kids would smoke as adults if I didn’t quit. Know your Why, and connect with it throughout your quit. Write it down at the top of a document called your “Quit Plan.”
Make a big commitment. Now that you know your motivation, be fully committed. A common mistake is say, “I’ll do this today,” but then letting yourself off the hook when the urges get strong. Instead, tell everyone about it. Ask for their help. Give them regular updates and be accountable. Have a support partner you can call on when you need help. Ask people not to let you off the hook. Be all in.
Be aware of your triggers. What events trigger your bad habit? The habit doesn’t just happen, but is triggered by something else: you smoke when other people smoke, or you shop when you’re stressed out, or you eat junk food when you’re bored, or you watch porn when you’re lonely, or you check your social media when you feel the need to fill space in your day. Watch yourself for a few days and notice what triggers your habit, make a list of triggers on your Quit Plan, and then develop an awareness of when those triggers happen.
Know what need the habit is meeting. We have bad habits for a reason — they meet some kind of need. For every trigger you wrote down, look at what need the habit might be meeting in that case. The habit might be helping you cope with stress. For some of the other triggers, it might help you to socialize, or cope with sadness, boredom, loneliness, feeling bad about yourself, being sick, dealing with a crisis, needing a break or treat or comfort. Write these needs down on your Quit Plan, and think of other ways you might cope with them.
Have a replacement habit for each trigger. So what will you do when you face the trigger of stress? You can’t just not do your old bad habit — it will leave an unfilled need, a hole that you will fill with your old bad habit if you don’t meet the need somehow. So have a good habit to do when you get stressed, or when someone gets angry at you, etc. Make a list of all your triggers on your Quit Plan, with a new habit for each one (one new, good habit can serve multiple triggers if you like).
Watch the urges, and delay. You will get urges to do your bad habit, when the triggers happen. These urges are dangerous if you just act on them without thinking. Learn to recognize them as they happen, and just sit there watch the urge rise and get stronger, and then and fall. Delay yourself, if you really want to act on the urge. Breathe. Drink some water. Call someone for help. Go for a walk. Get out of the situation. The urge will go away, if you just delay.
Do the new habit each time the trigger happens. This will take a lot of conscious effort — be very aware of when the trigger happens, and very aware of doing the new habit instead of the old automatic one. If you mess up, forgive yourself, but you need to be very conscious of being consistent here, so the new habit will start to become automatic. This is one reason it’s difficult to start with bad habits — if there are multiple triggers that happen randomly throughout the day, it means you need to be conscious of your habit change all day, every day, for weeks or more.
Be aware of your thinking. We justify bad habits with thinking. You have to watch your thoughts and realize when you’re making excuses for doing your old bad habit, or when you start feeling like giving up instead of sticking to your change. Don’t believe your rationalizations.
Quit gradually. Until recently, I was a fan of the Quit Cold Turkey philosophy, but I now believe you can quit gradually. That means to cut back from 20 cigarettes to 15, then 10, then 5, then zero. If you do this a week at a time, it won’t seem so difficult, and you might have a better chance of succeeding.
Learn from mistakes. We all mess up sometimes — if you do, be forgiving, and don’t let one mistake derail you. See what happened, accept it, figure out a better plan for next time. Write this on your Quit Plan. Your plan will get better and better as you continually improve it. In this way, mistakes are helping you improve the method.

I’m not saying this is an easy method, but many people have failed because they ignored the ideas here. Don’t be one of them. Put yourself all into this effort, find your motivation, and replace your habit with a better habit for each trigger. You got this.

3 Small Discipline Habits You Can Train

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While I’m not a fan of trying to be disciplined every moment of the day, there’s no doubt most of us could use a little more discipline in our lives.

We procrastinate, we waste time with online distractions, we go an entire day without getting done what we really wanted to get done.

How do we overcome this?

With training. Practice small, effective habits, and practice some more. Don’t expect yourself to be perfect at skills if you don’t repeatedly, deliberately practice.

If you want to get good at these skills, don’t worry about not being motivated. Just enjoy the joy of practicing something that you can get good at. It’s amazing when you’re learning something new, and that wonderful feeling is what can motivate you.

What should you practice? Three simple skills that can be turned into habits with repeated practice.

The 3 Small Discipline Habits

The habits that work for me are all about talking to myself:

Tell yourself, “This is what I’m going to do next.”. Instead of having a long to-do list of things you want to do today, have just one thing you want to do right now. Instead of saying you’re going to do this important task sometime, say you’re going to do it right now. Instead of allowing yourself to randomly open websites that give you distraction, deliberately figure out what you want to work on next. Pick one thing. It doesn’t matter what it is, but try for things that are important in your life.
Ask yourself, “What is the smallest step I can do?”. Most of us look at something on our (mental or digital or paper) list and subconsciously think, “That’s too hard.” So we put it off. But that’s because we’re thinking about an entire project, which has many tasks. You can’t do a project right now, you can only do a task. Instead of saying, “I’m going to write that paper that’s due,” you should say, “I’m going to write 3 things in the outline of the paper.” If the smallest task stills seems too hard, say you’re just going to do 5 minutes of that small task right now. Or just two minutes. Make it ridiculously easy.
Ask yourself, “What is stopping me from focusing on that small step?. Even if you figured out a task to focus on, and you’ve broken it into the smallest step, there will still be distractions or resistance. If you’re not immediately doing the smallest step of the next task, ask yourself why. What’s stopping you? Can you resolve this issue, close all browser tabs, shut off your phone, ask co-workers or roommates or family members to give you 30 minutes of focused time? Can you ask for help, get some accountability? The easiest solution is usually to close all distractions. Then get moving on the smallest step.

Once you’ve done that, repeat this process two more times, taking a few minutes’ break between each round. Then take 20 minutes off as a reward. That’s your training session. If you can do several training sessions a day, you’ll get good at this in no time. And as you get good, the cost of doing anything will begin to seem miniscule.

This article was supplied by Newsletter Ready.

Level Up to Lose Weight

I know a lot of people who want to lose weight but are stuck, like I was in 2005.

They want to get healthy and fit, but can’t seem to stick to a diet or exercise plan. They start, and then fail, and then feel bad about it.

This was where I was 10 years ago, and I’m happy to tell you that it’s possible to change.

The secret lies in leveling up.

Like a video game, the way to changing your health habits is by starting out at the first level, and only going to the next level after you’ve beaten the one before that. The problem is that most people start at Level 10 and fail, and wonder what happened. Most of us want to skip several levels, but we’re just not ready.

So the secret is to start at Level 1, and only advance once you’re done with that level. One level at a time, you’ll master the game of losing weight and getting healthy.

Here’s my guide to leveling up.

Level 1

Please, for goodness sake, don’t make the mistake of skipping this level because it sounds too easy. The easy levels are where you gain your skills.

You need to do two very easy things in this level:

Start walking just for a few minutes every day.
Reduce your eating by a little bit. A very little bit.

The walking should be as simple as walking around the block a couple times, or going to a nearby park for just 5-10 minutes. It should seem so easy that you feel a little dumb not doing more.

Why should it be so easy? Because you’re not ready for higher levels yet. You might think you are, but if you haven’t been regularly exercising for awhile, you aren’t.

The eating could just be as simple as putting a little less on your plate at dinner, or having one less soda a day. Make it almost unnoticeable.

Only progress past this level after you’ve successfully done it for a week.

Level 2

Remember, don’t go to this level until you’ve had a streak of 7 days of doing Level 1.

Here are the two things to do in this level:

Walk every day for a few minutes more. If you’ve been going around the block twice, make it three times. Or add 5 minutes to your walking.
Eat a little less than in the previous level. Just a little less — not really noticeable.

You’ll slowly adjust to the new levels of walking and eating. Do this for another week before going to the next level.

Level 3

If you’ve successfully done Level 2 for another week, you’re ready to add more:

Walk a little more.
Eat/drink less of something that’s empty calories — less soda, sugar, bread, pastries, sweet coffee drink, chips, cookies, pizza. Don’t drop any of these completely, just eat less of it.

Slowly, you’re adapting to a new level. Again, spend a week here.

Level 4

Now we’re going to change things up a little!

Add a minute of faster walking to your walks. Just one or two intervals of walking at a pace that makes it harder to have a conversation. So walk for 5 minutes at conversational pace, then speed it up for a minute, then back to the regular pace. You can repeat that a couple times if you feel like it.
Add some veggies to your food. Just a little, and something you might like. Greens are the best, but if you’d rather eat carrots or cauliflower, go for it. Don’t make it a lot, just a little.

Spend a week at this level.

Level 5

Basically, this is a repeat of Level 4 — add a little more fast walking to your daily walks, and add another veggie to one of your meals.

You can repeat this adding each week for 2-3 weeks. You’re getting the idea by now: basically, you started out by eating a little less each week (barely noticeable) and then adding some vegetables to your diet. You started out by walking just a little each day, slowly adding more, then adding some faster intervals. Keep increasing this progress slowly, one week at a time.

Level 6

Now we’re going to add some harder challenges:

Add some hills or stairs to your walking routine. Find a hill to walk up for at least a few minutes, or if you have stairs in your building, do a few flights at the end of your regular walk. Don’t make this too hard!
Try finding and making a new healthy recipe online each week.

Stay at this level for 2-3 weeks, until it seems easy.

Level 7

Only do this level once the previous level seems really easy!

Add some pushups. Just 2-3 sets of less pushups than you think you can do.
Find a healthy breakfast and eat that.

Other Levels

By now, you’ve been walking, doing walk intervals, added some stairs/hills, and some pushups. You’re in much better shape than before.

You’ve also slowly started eating less, adding vegetables, trying out new recipes, eating a healthy breakfast.

That’s a major shift in your diet and exercise habits, and you did it slowly, barely challenging yourself at each level. You didn’t rush it.

Now that you understand how this leveling system works, you can create your own levels beyond Level 7. Some ideas for higher levels — but be sure not to make any of the levels too difficult:

Add more bodyweight exercises
Add a little bit of running to your walks if you want
Try some pullups
Try some dumbbell weight exercises
Eventually try some basic barbell weight training (squats, deadlifts, bench)
Do a few yoga poses on some days
Eat more veggies
Reduce empty carbs
Add whole grains
Eat less junk food
Slowly eliminate fast food

If you can slowly change your diet and exercise to include these levels, I can almost guarantee you’ll have weight loss over time, and most importantly, you’ll be much healthier over the long run.

Leveling up isn’t easy if you’re impatient, but it’s the smartest way to change, and it works.

This article was supplied by Newsletter Ready.

The Daybreak: Make an Important Goal Happen with a Morning Habit

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The sun begins to come up, and the first rays of light begin to shine upon this fresh day.

What do you do with this time?

The most important thing.

If you have a project you want to happen (let’s say you want to write a book), this is the time to form a habit that will make that project happen. A morning writing habit will get the book done. Simply wishing for the book to get written, or saying you’ll do it “someday,” doesn’t make it happen.

If it’s important, you’ll make a morning habit of it:

If you want to lose weight, create a morning walking habit. Or morning strength training. Or a healthy breakfast with fruits and veggies.
If you want to start a new business, create a morning session where you work on it every morning.
If you want to become more mindful during your day, create a morning meditation habit.
If you want to work on your relationship with your spouse, have a morning habit of talking about your relationship over coffee.
If you want to journal, make it a morning habit.

Why is morning a better time for important habits? Why not afternoons or evenings? Well, I’m biased, because I really love the mornings. But I’ve found the time to be quieter, less chaotic, better for reflection and focus. Some people will work better in the late nights, but I’m usually tired by then. So figure out what time is your magic time — I think for most people that will be mornings, but not all.

I’ve done pretty much all my important achievements through morning habits: I trained for several marathons by running in the morning, created this blog and wrote numerous books with a morning writing habit, have improved mindfulness through morning meditation, and became a regular exerciser and healthy eater. I’ve had morning walks, done morning journaling, morning yoga, and morning talks with Eva.

There are great habits you can create in the afternoons and evenings too, but I recommend trying a morning habit if you have something important you want to get done.

Make it a habit, and do it first.

This article was supplied by Newsletter Ready.

Habit Relapse: What to Do if You Fall from Your Diet or Good Habits

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A few people have written me recently about falling off their good habits: a relapse after months of healthy eating, or getting derailed from good habits they’ve been forming like exercise or writing.

It’s discouraging to fall off your diet or good habits, and you an get to a point where you don’t even want to think about it.

So what to do? How do you deal with a relapse?

There’s no easy answer, to be honest. I’ve “failed” and restarted a number of habits, and I now think of relapsing as just another part of the process. We’re constantly learning about ourselves as we change our habits, which is the real point of habit change — it’s self learning, not self-improvement or self-discipline. We learn about our minds, about feelings of guilt and frustration, about coping with these feelings.

There are no easy answers, but I’m going to share some things you might try:

Pause to reflect. One of the biggest problems is that when we don’t even want to acknowledge our relapse. We avoid thinking about it. So the first step is to take a slight pause in your day, and reflect on where you are. You were doing great, then you slipped up. It could have been for a lot of different reasons, but just know that you’re not alone, that we all slip up, and that the forces that we’re facing can often be too great for us at our weakest points. That’s OK. Reflect on this, and know that it’s not the end of the world.
Acknowledge your feelings. It can be difficult to get off track, and we can feel like failures, feel discouraged, feel frustrated with ourselves, disappointed, sad, alone, tired, angry … sometimes multiple feelings at once. It’s OK to feel these things. We often try to avoid thinking about these feelings, but just for a minute, give yourself space to feel them, to really see them inside yourself, and accept these feelings as a part of your experience.
Give yourself compassion. If you’re experiencing some of these difficult feelings, after acknowledging them, try giving them some love. Imagine if a friend were feeling pain — wouldn’t you comfort your friend, give them a hug, listen to them, be compassionate? We deserve to treat ourselves with that same love and compassion. Listen to your mind’s difficulties, wish for your own happiness, give yourself a virtual (or real) hug, give yourself some love. It’s OK to feel these things, and it’s OK to wish for an end to your difficulties.
Focus on the intention. Why did you start the good habit in the first place? Was it to nurture yourself, give yourself the gift of good health, allow yourself creative expression through your writing (or painting, music, etc.), help others? These intentions are important to remember, to help yourself get back on track. You got derailed because you forgot your intention, or other priorities became more important. Now decide whether your intention for this habit is important enough to devote some time to. If so, keep your intention in mind as you get started again.
Take the smallest step. With this good intention in mind, what is the next step you can take? Can you make it even easier? For example, instead of overhauling your entire diet, can you eat one carrot? One apple? Instead of doing a weekly workout plan, can you go for a 5-minute walk? Do 1 pushup? Taking the smallest step helps you reaffirm your commitment to yourself and your intention. Then you focus on the next tiny step.
There is no past, only this step. All the relapses, all the failures, all the troubles … these now exist only in your head. Instead of dwelling on them, try focusing on the next tiny step. What is that like? Try to fully experience it, and see that in this moment, this small action is not difficult. In this small action, you are OK. Let go of everything else that’s happened, and be here with your intention and your current action.
Approach the learning with curiosity. We often think “Oh, I have no discipline” or “I suck at this” or some other thought about ourselves or about the new habit we would like to form. These are preconceived ideas about ourselves or the habits … instead, try going into the next small step with an open mind, not knowing how it will be. This new habit (or old one, revisited) is not a robotic action you’re trying to create in yourself, but rather a part of a learning process, where you learn more about yourself. In this spirit of learning, approach the process with curiosity, openness, not-knowing. See what it’s like! Try to appreciate every little detail about the habit that you can notice.

I don’t pretend that this is a quick-fix solution, but these elements often have very good effects for me. I am not perfect in doing these steps by any means, just as I’m not perfect at doing my habit. But in the process of learning about myself, in the failure and restarting and finding out … the habit I’m doing in all its messiness is absolutely perfect.

This article was supplied by Newsletter Ready.

Change Your Story to Change Your Life

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Whenever we undertake a new change in our lives — whether it’s starting a new job or business, or changing a new habit — we tell ourselves a story about it.

We’re the hero of our story. Unfortunately, it’s not usually a very good story — it involves the hero not believing he or she can do it, wanting to give up and give in to the easy route.

Imagine if the great stories of all time went along the lines of our stories:

Harry Potter doesn’t fight Voldemort because it’s too hard and anyway, he just wants to play games and go on Reddit.
Odysseus decides not to make the journey home because he knows himself — he’s just going to give up, and anyway, isn’t the siren’s call of Facebook/Instagram too strong?
Don Quixote never ventures out for adventure on his brave steed Rocinante, because he doesn’t think he can do it, and instead stays home with his books of romance.
Frodo heads back to the Shire, because he believes he doesn’t have enough discipline to stick with something very long.

These would be horrible stories, wouldn’t they? Who would root for these dudes?

The story we tell ourselves goes along these lines. They’re different for each of us, but if we’re not succeeding at something, it’s quite probably because we are telling ourselves the wrong story.

Try it now: think of a habit change you’re trying to make or that you’ve tried but failed at in the recent past. Maybe exercise, meditation, writing, defeating procrastination, etc. Now think about what story you told yourself about yourself. What image did you see in your head of yourself? Was it a brave hero triumphing over all odds, never to be deterred by the forces marshalled against him by the cold harsh universe? Or was it of an ordinary character who probably would give in to the donuts and Netflix when things got hard?

Maybe you can’t hear the story you’ve told yourself. Instead, try to sense what feeling is in your heart as you think of yourself conquering this new habit change or life change. Does it feel full of doubt, anxiety, fear, dread? Or is it full of joy, triumph, deep caring? The song you’re singing to yourself (unnoticed by you) is of that note, that chord that you’re feeling in your heartstrings.

We fail because of this story. It stands in our way, more than the actual thing we’re facing. When things get tough or uncomfortable, we tell ourselves: it’s OK to quit, it doesn’t matter, we’ll do it next time, we’re not disciplined enough, we suck at this, we can’t do it, it’s too hard, it would be nice to take a break, life is too short to struggle, we deserve a reward, just this once won’t matter, we’re going to fail, it’s better to fail quietly, we just don’t feel like it right now, let’s not think about this, hey a squirrel!

So what can we do if our story is working against us?

Change the damn story. Create a song to sing about yourself as the epic hero of your dreams. Sing this song daily, and be proud of it. Go after the dream, fight the forces of distraction and dullness and self-doubt, rise up to be your best self. You are the writer of your story, the composer of your song, and every moment is a chance to rewrite it, a new draft ready to be crafted into something better.

Or drop the story. See that without the story telling you that you can’t or shouldn’t do something … there’s just the physical reality of the world around you, no quitter and no hero. Just you and this moment, and it’s a good moment, and without the distraction of a story, you have a basic underlying goodness and love in your heart. That’s all you need: just take this love in your heart and be happy, and do the things that are compassionate for yourself. The struggles you’ve been up against can all go away if you relax them and turn to the goodness of this moment, and take a loving step.

This article was supplied by Newsletter Ready.

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